Justification

Read this article today

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/july/19.20.html

and this, in particular, caught my eye:

"Sadly, many in our churches have sold the extraordinary gift of justification for the pottage of therapeutic religion. Rather than finding assurance in Christ, some assure themselves they have done nothing so bad as to deserve condemnation.
Even worse, others flaunt their freedom, abusing the truth that Jesus covers a multitude of sins. As Paul said of people who accused him of teaching that we should sin to bring more grace: "Their condemnation is deserved" (Rom. 3:8).
Such attitudes do not exemplify trust in the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who treats holiness with deathly seriousness. They turn the old notions of merit on their heads, treating a priceless gift—Jesus' righteousness—as if it had no value.
The Bible says this type of faith—faith without good works—is as good as no faith at all. It's as dead and meaningless as the selling of indulgences."

I think about how aaron justified/ies his actions, how brian did his, even how I did mine - yuck.

hullo

So we are doing well -

I've been trying to get Jaden on somewhat of a schedule for when he has to start going to daycare - ugh, hate the thought of that, but no choice. Try not to let it bother me too much - just get pissed off when I do, start thinking about broken promises and all that junk.

Still, things are going fairly well. Jaden thinks it is quite funny to flip over on the changing table - there are times when I am tempted to just put him butt naked in his crib because I am constantly wrestling with him to get a diaper and clothes on! I've come up with all kinds of whacky noises to get his attention!

I've started running again - I do about 15 minutes - starting off slow and plan on building up - goal is to run the Halloween Hustle 5k with my sis & dad in the fall. Feeling pretty good, definitely missed that. Haven't done a lot of running with the jogging stroller yet - though I plan on utilizing it more and Jaden seems to enjoy it.

Jaden & I are enjoying summer - walks at Walden Pond, the park, trips to the beach and to see friends & family - I'm sort of dreading the end of summer! It will be good for me to get back to work (need the $$ and adult interaction is nice too!) but I will miss him horribly and hate that I will only see him for a few hours a day. He goes to bed between 5-6:30, I'll be picking him up at 3, so very little time together :( thank goodness for weekends and teacher holidays and breaks. I know we'll both adjust, and it will work out - just not ideal.

Jaden loves his food! He's eating rice and oatmeal cereals, sweet potatoes, carrots, peas, apples, pears and bananas - got the Earth's Best variety packs. Trying to get him more used to the bottle as he will need to be getting a few during the day when he goes to daycare. He takes it, but is not too excited about it. Don't blame him, I like nursing him better anyway - hope to continue to do that until he is at least a year.

I love my baby...

Jaden at the Beach

Hey, If you didn't get the kodak link, check out my myspace page for my slide show of Jaden at the beach - he is so incredibly adorable! I love being a mom - who needs a man? I've got the best little gift with me already :)

spam crap

I'm getting all sorts of spam crap comments - anyone know how to block those? they are weird ones

saying goodbye is never easy

I met up with Brian today - we had stuff to exchange. It was hard, but ok too. I know he didn't ever mean to hurt me - doesn't change the fact that he did - but we both made mistakes in this relationship. I wished him well, told him to be careful...I do hope she has changed. Part of me is angry with him, but I also understand wanting your marriage to be restored. Maybe if aaron hadn't gotten remarried, maybe if he had tried to come back...maybe I would have given him another chance. Maybe. I sort of doubt it, but I won't ever know. In some ways, I think all I went through with aaron getting remarried helped to 'grow' me to a point where I could see the unhealthiness of it all (our broken marriage). To where I could stand on my own two feet, and be strong. To not need to be with him, and come to a point where I truly did not want to be with him anymore.

As for Brian - I will pray for them. I was reminded recently, as I was reading another person's blog, that life is not about us. It is not about me. And if God can be honored and glorified by true restoration of their marriage, it is not my place to wish otherwise. I just hope that it really is happening - if it is what God wants - and that this is not something that will fall to pieces and hurt him again. Though I am angry with him, I don't want to see him hurt. I know - not my concern any longer, we all must face consequences of the choices we make. In any case, I will continue to pray that he allows God to restore him to who he needs to be to fulfill God's plan for his life.

In many ways I wish we had only been friends. I enjoyed talking with him and hanging out, and I will miss him. I know, lesson learned - should have been only a friendship - at least to begin with. I knew it, and so did he - we should have made sure he was free & clear (ok, mainly his responsibility, that, but I should have paid more attention to the warning signs too) before we allowed ourselves to love one another. I do think there was great potential there, but not with the unresolved business that there was.


So, I'm not about to rush into another relationship. Need time to reflect on the lessons learned here. Figure out why I made the mistakes I did, and figure out how not to make them again. It is hard - I know everyone has all kinds of advice about not rushing into things, maybe taking time just for me - but it is hard. Easy advice to give if you are married :) I know, I would have given it too! Just hard to follow when you are not :) and when you want so badly to be where you think you should be - happily loved and loving.

amusing?

I find it amusing, and I guess slightly ironic, that a person who says that trust is the most important thing to them then proves to be completely untrustworthy. I guess that is one of those things that makes it important to know someone for some time before even offering friendship, let alone anything else. I didn't realize I was such a bad judge of character. My problem is that I am too giving of my trust, myself and my love in too short a time - because I am trustworthy, because I do not break promises, because my word is important to me, because helping others is fulfilling to me - I think that everyone is like that. I give people the benefit of the doubt, trusting them before they are proven. I am learning that I should be slow to trust, slower still to love, because there are probably few people worthy of trust, and fewer still to be trusted with my heart.

Hope I don't sound too negative, but after being burned twice by men I chose to love, I feel like I need to be a wee bit more protective of my heart, you know? Character must be proven over time, because anyone can put up a convincing charade - but those things generally fall apart over time. And I need to get better at reading the warning signs, and be a bit more discerning. When someone speaks of the love they have for you primarily in terms of how you make THEM feel, that is not a good thing. When you love someone, it is not just about how they make you feel - it is also about how you make them feel, and the importance of that to you. It is about the 'we' of the relationship, not the 'I'. Otherwise, the love is selfish, and is not true love. Love is also not wishy-washy, there one day and gone the next without any reason. And it is not my job to pursue, it is my right to be pursued. It is my right to be treated like a treasure - because the gift of my heart is a priceless treasure, something to be desired, cherished, appreciated - when I love, that is how I view the heart of other person, but if they don't view you in that way you are simply being used and taken advantage of.

Ugh. God may bring people into our lives, but who they choose to be doesn't always match up with His plan for them or us. More lessons learned, the hard way - guess that is the only way to really learn them, huh?

whatever

Wow. Sometimes you think you know someone - and they totally blow you away with the type of person they truly are. And while that sometimes happens in a good way, that is not what I am talking about here. Man. Talk about a total wake up call, you know? These are the days I am very glad to be single.