amusing?
I find it amusing, and I guess slightly ironic, that a person who says that trust is the most important thing to them then proves to be completely untrustworthy. I guess that is one of those things that makes it important to know someone for some time before even offering friendship, let alone anything else. I didn't realize I was such a bad judge of character. My problem is that I am too giving of my trust, myself and my love in too short a time - because I am trustworthy, because I do not break promises, because my word is important to me, because helping others is fulfilling to me - I think that everyone is like that. I give people the benefit of the doubt, trusting them before they are proven. I am learning that I should be slow to trust, slower still to love, because there are probably few people worthy of trust, and fewer still to be trusted with my heart.
Hope I don't sound too negative, but after being burned twice by men I chose to love, I feel like I need to be a wee bit more protective of my heart, you know? Character must be proven over time, because anyone can put up a convincing charade - but those things generally fall apart over time. And I need to get better at reading the warning signs, and be a bit more discerning. When someone speaks of the love they have for you primarily in terms of how you make THEM feel, that is not a good thing. When you love someone, it is not just about how they make you feel - it is also about how you make them feel, and the importance of that to you. It is about the 'we' of the relationship, not the 'I'. Otherwise, the love is selfish, and is not true love. Love is also not wishy-washy, there one day and gone the next without any reason. And it is not my job to pursue, it is my right to be pursued. It is my right to be treated like a treasure - because the gift of my heart is a priceless treasure, something to be desired, cherished, appreciated - when I love, that is how I view the heart of other person, but if they don't view you in that way you are simply being used and taken advantage of.
Ugh. God may bring people into our lives, but who they choose to be doesn't always match up with His plan for them or us. More lessons learned, the hard way - guess that is the only way to really learn them, huh?
posted by DebP @ 6:13 AM
2 Comments
2 Comments:
I can so relate to your posts of late!!
I'm still trying to figure out how to guard my heart without shutting down opportunities for love by being completely guarded.
I'm still trying to find the balance between pursuing the kind of relationship I want without becoming a rabid pursuer.
I'm still trying to discern when it is right to trust someone and how to determine if they are trustworthy without giving too much trust up front.
These are hard lessons to learn!
Some days I find the "school of life" incredibly interesting and challenging and stimulating. Other days I just want to put my head on the desk and sleep until recess or until the final bell rings when I can toss the books in my locker and run down the hall. FREE AT LAST!!
Too bad my school's not near your school. It'd be nice to swap stories while swinging on the playground. Even from a distance, it's nice to know that someone else is pumping their legs as hard as possible (just like me) just so they can touch the sky! :)
I believe we can do it, Deb. What I really believe is that when we least expect it, God will lift us up and let us soar even without all the pushing and pumping and effort. We just have to wait for His timing. In the meantime, I guess we just keep doing our homework and enjoying those moments on the playground.
I love your comments ttm :)
and they sure are hard lessons to learn! I too wish our schools were closer :)
I'll just keep looking forward to that day when God's plan becomes clear.
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