Blessed sleep :)

Jaden slept from 11-4 last night - I got 5 successive hours of sleep - hoorah! What a difference it makes :)

You know, I'm really feeling ok about the whole 'a' thing. As I think back on this past year - all the great parts & sucky parts - I do feel blessed. While I would never have wanted this to happen, if it hadn't, I never would have realized what wonderful, loving friends I have, how fun and special it is to live in a community house, how strong God can make me when I let Him, the peace He can give, and that I can think & do for myself better than I thought. I think I allowed 'a' to let me feel insecure about a lot of things, and over time, became too dependent on his input/opinion. I do think you need to get input/opinion from a spouse about major things, but I was insecure in even the little things sometimes, and I think it is because he was so very critical of others - I think I subconciously wondered what he was thinking about me, and how I could make him happier with me.

The divorce was painful, and it still hurts - but I think I've come through to the other side with a better sense of myself, and a stronger 'me'. Not because I am strong, but because I allow the Lord to give me strength, peace, joy - more so now than I ever have in my life. Those things are always there for us, He is always ready to give them - but, at least with me, when things were going well (or so I thought anyway! lol) I didn't let Him, didn't ask Him, and didn't accept his help/guidance in my life the way I am learning to do now. I just wish there were some way for this to not affect Jaden, you know? If it was just about me, it would be easier. I worry about him - I know the Lord says not to worry, especially not about the future, but I struggle with it. I want the best for him - he is so innocent, and it seems so unfair for him to have to deal with this mess. Just one more reason God thinks divorce is sucky too.